The Best Way to Have a Fight

This is a recent, slightly embellished conversation between my aunt and I. I had come over to help her with her (huge!) garage sale, and she was going to pay me for my help.

Aunt: Let's see. How much did we make today?
Me (Counting money in change purse): Um..... about $270
Aunt: Wow! That's great! Let's go get a Slurpee to celebrate!
Me: You push too hard, dah-ling... but I accept!
*We jump in the car*
Aunt: Well, I think I'll pay you 15% of what we make, both today and tomorrow.
Me: No, that's too much. It's nearly all your stuff, and I didn't help that much.
Aunt: You were a huge help; you priced everything, moved stuff up from the basement, and moved it out to the garage - all with it 90 degrees out! And no AC!
Me: Well, I did less thatn you did, and like I said, it's all your stuff.
Aunt: I couldn't have done this without you! It would have taken me weeks to do this, and you helped me do it in two days!
Me: Still, 15% is too much. And I owe you at least $20 for food, last time I came over, 'cause I didn't help with anything.
Aunt: I'm going to pay you, whether you like it or not!
Me: Erm, OK. If you insist.

I'm still working on it. I'll be able to convince her to come over to my side soon.

Hey, wait a minute...

Arrrrr!

Are you a pirate? Sure, you'll never admit it, especially if your next door neighbor is a police officer, or maybe you don't even know. There are many kinds of pirates:

- The professional pirate; they'll make millions on pirated movies and software

- The hobbyist pirate; they'll hack software for fun, or to stretch their coding muscles before starting work on their own programs

- The casual pirate; they'll usually use the other pirates' hard work, and occasionally contribute something themselves

- The "innocent" pirate; they'll maybe send their favorite songs to their friends over email or IM, not realizing that, technically, it's illegal

- The leech; the'll download a whole hard drive's worth of pirated software, songs, movies, and anything else they can get their hands on, and not even thank them or contribute

So, are you a pirate? Sure you are. Admit it. You've shared software or songs at some point - or have leeched them. Jack Sparrow would be proud.

But why is the rum gone?

Schadenfreude No. 1

This morning, a kid showed up with his dad at my aunt's house to try to convince her to go to their church. I had spent the night, and I was still in my pajamas, making something to eat. The little boy, probably 5th or 6th grade, was truly a salesman-in-training. "Do you go to church every week?" and "Are you 100% sure you're going to heaven?" were some of the non-stop questions he asked. The kid's dad had really drilled him well. My aunt was finally, and nicely, able to pry them away from the door and they finally left.

If I hadn't been in my pajamas, I would have enjoyed such a challenge. Not that it would have really been a challenge - only one thing would be necessary for them to leave me alone. Make them prove how or why Sunday is the day to go to church. It'd take 30 seconds to stump them.

Sure, they can show how they 'prove' that Jesus rose on Sunday (He rose on Saturday, but that's another topic), but it still doesn't show that Jesus told them to worship on Sunday. The only reason to worship on Sunday is the fact that it is the day to worship the sun god - in other words, yet another example of paganism rearing its ugly head.

I hope they come back. I could use some entertainment.