Old Blog Archive: Attack of the _Mini_Indy_

This blog entry was originally posted on my now defunct Star Wars.com blog. I am now archiving it for posterity in my new, improved, and free blog.

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My little brother is four years old - or as he puts it, "Almost five." He also aspires to be Darth Vader when he grows up. The picture I chose looks almost exactly like him - except my brother always carries my lightsaber, wears his black winter boots, my Darth Vader voice-changer mask, a cape my mom made him, black pants, and a Darth Vader shirt.

But on to the subject... Since he is only four, he can't pronounce everything quite right. Here is a quick glossary of terms he uses, spelled as he pronounces them:

• Yeya - Leia
• Darf - Darth
• Darf Brooks - Darth Maul
• Pamay - Padmé
• Empveror - Emperor
• Dangrish - Dangerous
• Astroy - Destroy
• Gawaxy - Galaxy
• Alennium Vulcan - Millennium Falcon (The ironies abound)

So, now that you will be able to decipher what he says, let's move on to the good part... his Darth Vader Quotes, _Mini_Indy_ style:

• > You don't know the Dark Side of the Dark Side.
• What scares me, is that apparently he does.
• [He walks up to me] You're Yeya. Yeya, I am your daddy. [He walks up to my sister] you're Pamay. Pamay, I am your daddy.
• We're working on his relationship issues.
• We'll hafta astroy them ship to ship.
• He got this one right, but it was so cute!
• Bring me the passengers dead. I want them alive!
• It makes sense to him.

And, last but not least, the complete story of Star Wars in 11 seconds:

Once upon a time, in a gawaxy far, far away, there was Luke and Yeya... and Darf Vader... and... Pamay.

And the Empveror was hurtin' Luke. And Darf Vader... turned into good again... and he throwed the Empveror down the tower: That died him.



There you go. My little _Mini_Indy_.

P.S. He also has an alter-ego: Luke. No cute quotes from that, yet. Stay tuned.

Old Blog Archive: Revenge of the Neds

This blog entry was originally posted on my now defunct Star Wars.com blog. I am now archiving it for posterity in my new, improved, and free blog.

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My friends just don't understand. Once you watch Star Wars, it forever changes your life. I haven't gotten to the Wearing Darth Vader Underoos Stage yet, but I am at the stage where you can't see my bedroom wall because of all the posters, and I am seriously considering making my cell phone number 327-1138 (if it isn't already taken). I am also guilty of 9 out of 10 of The Stooge's "The Top Ten Signs Your Boyfriend is a Star Wars Junkie" - except that I'm a female humanoid, and I can't afford a Toyota yet.

They don't understand - Star Wars isn't a movie, it is a lifestyle.

As for the title of this blog... let me explain. I went to a church summer camp, and this was my first year as a Star Wars fan - I was still in the "closet" so to speak. I thought that since it was an OLD movie, that it wasn't cool to be a Star Wars fan - this was before I had even discovered TheForce.net or even StarWars.com. I finally worked up the courage to tell some people that I was a Star Wars fan. Surprisingly enough, everyone I told was also a huge fan! I discovered it to be a great conversation starter - I ceased to be shy. Where before I wouldn't speak to anyone, I would now walk up to anyone, and introduce myself this way: "OK, Star Wars or Star Trek?" 99 people answerd Star Wars - three answered Star Trek, and one was neutral. I had 99 new friends!

Then the real world hit - I had to go home, and all my new friends lived in different states. I was all alone in my world of Anti-Star Wars friends. I started counting down the days to camp.

Next year at camp, I had a new enemy. We'll just call him Mr. P. (You know who you are.) He was a self-proclaimed geek, as am I. He claimed to be the world's expert on geekiness. And, since I was a Star Wars fan, I was not a TRUE geek. He would call me a Nerd - the lowest insult anyone can throw at me, besides Nerfherder. The funny thing was, with his Austrailian accent, I was called a "Ned."

It stuck.

As I said before, I am a female humanoid. That is now named Ned. I've grown used to it - I wear it a a badge of courage. I even embrace it. "Hi, I'm Ned, but you can call me Indy."

If you encounter something similar, just remember: They're just jealous that you have 99 friends, while they have only one. Just call them a Sithspawn right back. Or, Nerfherder works just as well, if you prefer more gentle language.

Have you had a similar experience? PLEASE email me or post it as a comment. I would be glad to know I'm not the only one.

_Darth_Ned_ out.

Old Blog Archives: The Emperor's Dating Profile

This blog entry was originally posted on my now defunct Star Wars.com blog. I am now archiving it for posterity in my new, improved, and free blog.

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Hello. My name is Emperor Palpatine. Yes, that's my first name. Anyways, this is a picture of me. Really. It is from about two years ago. Really. I'm not using the Power of Persuasion. You don't want to sell me death sticks. You want to go home and rethink your life.

I live on Coruscant in the Imperial Palace. I am very rich, and have many servants to wait on me hand and foot. If you become my concubine, I will give you some too.

I am a genious, and very handsome. I am also smart and attractive. I am the ruler of the known universe, as well as some unknown parts - don't ask about that.

I am usually very busy with my work, so I need someone that doesn't mind being alone often. Dark Side adeptness is a plus.

I enjoy long walks in the dark, shocking people, and I enjoy a good laugh.

Jedi need not apply. Serious inquiries only. Contact me at ThePerfectMan@ImperialDates.emp

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Dear Mr. Palpatine,

I don't want to sell you death sticks. I want to go home and rethink my life.

I live on Coruscant most of the time, but I will not disclose my present location, because of the bounty hunters looking for me.

I saw your profile on ImperialDates.emp and I am extremely interested. I am about nineteen. I have some Dark Side powers, and I am a trained assasin. I shock many people, and I also enjoy long walks in the dark. I never laugh, however.

I am available until the end of the week. Contact me at FutureMrsSkywalker@ImperialDates.emp

Thank you,
Mara Jade

Old Blog Archive: Very dangerous putting the two of them together...

This blog entry was originally posted on my now defunct Star Wars.com blog. I am now archiving it for posterity in my new, improved, and free blog.

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Preeeesenting... Star Wars Couples That Never Were - And Shouldn't Be.

Here is an incomplete list of possible Star Wars couples. I have thrown in my opinion here and there. Post comments on certain couples, or suggest your own. Here goes:

Stormtrooper & R2-D2
--Good: They would remember each other's names. "Hello, R2-D2." "Hello, TK-421. Why aren't you at your post?"
--Bad: Think of the kids.

Darth Vader & Mara Jade
--Good: Their marriage would add a new record to Hollywood's "Shortest Marriage" category.
--Bad: He's old enough to be her father. But, hey... she's supposed to be the Emperor's little friend.

Luke & Leia
--Good: They're so much alike.
--Bad: "This might sound crazy... but when I kiss you, it's like I'm kissing my brother."

Chewbacca & Paploo
(OK, Maybe Paploo was male. I couldn't think of the name of a female Ewok. Sue me.)
--Good: They could have combed each other's fur.
--Bad: erm... The size difference might be an issue.

Yoda & Yaddle
--Good: Same species.
--Bad: Who wants to have kids at 850?

Jar Jar & Carbonite Freezing Chamber
--Good: Hmm. Let's see... so hard to figure this one out...
--Bad: Bad? What could possibly be bad?

Admiral Ackbar & Mon Mothma
--Good: Umm... at least they're on the same side of the war.
--Bad: Ewwwww!

Bail Organa & Padme
--Good: Those would have been some good lookin' kids.
--Bad: Anakin would have killed Bail, leading to an earlier decent to the Dark Side.

Stormtrooper & Battle Droid
--Good: The stormtrooper would think he had got himself a supermodel.
--Bad: What would happen when he tried to take of the armor?

Stormtrooper & Stormtrooper
--Good: umm... I'll get back to you on that one.
--Bad: They'd always be wearing the same outfit.

Jar Jar & Padme
--Good: Umm... They're both from Naboo?
--Bad: Ewwwww! Double Ewwwww!

Well, that's it for now. Please feel free to think up your own good/bad points, and any other (un)happy couples.