In other news, Queen Elizabeth wore sunscreen

*snerk* I guess I'd better share my own found hilarity from today. I can't pull a quote. The whole thing is idiotic. Linky here at the New York Times(But of course), but I just had to quote the whole thing and add my own comments. Can you tell it's finally a slow day?

My comments in bold.

WASHINGTON — The White House is bugged!

No, not like that. But actual flies are swarming the place, confounding housekeepers, irritating aides, even trying to feast on the president. During an East Room interview with John Harwood for CNBC and The New York Times on Tuesday, a giant fly orbited Mr. Obama’s head. (OH NOES! He's under ATTACK!)

“I got the sucker,” the president boasted after fatally slapping the critter on the back of his hand. (MAH HERO!)

That scene became an instant YouTube sensation — and resulted in a complaint from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. (Okay, enough with the sarcasm for a moment. I mean, seriously. PETA has an issue with swatting a fly. A. Fly. It's not like these things are endangered, are cute, provide valuable resources that its other 50 trillion still-living relatives can't, or could be someone's pet.)

“Well, I guess it can’t be said that President Obama wouldn’t hurt a fly,” (There's a dark, twisted side to the Hero! Alas!) lamented Alisa Mullins of PETA on the organization’s blog. The animal rights group announced that it would send over one of its Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher (SRSLY?) contraptions to the White House in the event of “future insect incidents.” (And that ends the report on bombings in Israel, and Iran's nuclear threat. BREAKING NEWS JUST IN! There's ANOTHER fly at the White House!)

White House staff members report that they and their boss have been routinely bothered by the bugs (Well, whadda ya know, flies are not respectors of position), and have seen the First Exterminator personally enforcing a no-fly zone in the West Wing. (Oh, hardy har har. I get it. Funny.)

“He chases them down in the Oval with his briefing papers to smack them,” (Picture, for a moment, this scene. Okay, continue with what you were doing and try not to snicker.) reports Austan Goolsbee, a member of the president’s Council of Economic Advisers.

(Question: How’d you like to be a fly on the wall in the Oval Office these days? Answer: Not so much.) (Ha. Ha. Ha ha ha.)

White House officials say that strenuous debugging measures have been undertaken in recent weeks: Anti-insect lights have been installed in the National Security Council suite and the lower press office. Staff members have been issued fly swatters, and one, Brian Mosteller, stood at the ready during Mr. Obama’s television interviews on Tuesday (a lot of good he did). Some staff members have requested chemical intervention but have been denied. (YOU MIGHT HURT THEM LITTLE BUGGERS!)

It’s not clear why there has been so much buzz in the Obama White House. The chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, who swatted at a fly in a recent interview, (Apparently we need up-to-the-minute information on his minions' bug problems too.) has blamed the opening of vents in the West Wing for the infestation, while Mr. Obama’s senior adviser, David Axelrod, has blamed careless staff members who forgot to close unscreened windows, an official said. (The details are fuzzy, and mudslinging abounds. Blame is being passed back and forth. A SWAT team [no pun intended, I promise] is closing in on a suspect as we speak.)

There are numerous accounts of infestations in previous administrations, including a cameo by a fly during an Associated Press interview with Vice President Dick Cheney just a few days before Mr. Obama was sworn into office. (CHENEY! HE DID IT! Why, that slimy, no good Republican!)

“We always had a lot of fly swatters at the ready, too,” said Dana Perino, a spokesman for former President George W. Bush. “We probably inherited the problems from the last administration.” (Oh, wait. It's Bush AND Cheny! And Karl Rove! And Enron! And HALLIBURTON! HALIBURTON!)

Just...... wow. It's not like it's even a slow news day.

Update on Life

Last year, I was a student worker, meaning I was paid next to nothing, AND having to pay for "co-op classes" in order to qualify for the job. These "classes" were a complete waste (3 credits per semester - I figured out it was effectively taking $1 per hour from my paycheck - with nothing but a paper on "How to Write a Better Resume" or other such junk). In December, I was laid off, along with all but one of the students in my department - they kept her because she was new, and therefore not due for a raise for a year. Since I was a student worker, I was unqualified for unemployment.

I had been saving up what little I could spare to buy a car, but those funds had to be transferred from luxuries like reliable transportation, to food and gas. I had been the only income for my family, as neither of my parents had been able to find a job (with 12.9% unemployment in the state, and worse percentages in our specific area, that's probably still not going to happen). I hadn't been paying much towards bills and such (Making $8.50/hour, 20 hours a week), but I was still helping out as much as I could. Now I couldn't help at all.

After six months of job searches - starting my search with web development (my profession of choice), then tech support, then secretarial, all the way down to fast food - no one was hiring. My savings were almost gone.

Then I got an email. Offering an interview for a full-time position as a web technician. The name looked familiar, but only vaguely. Then I remembered that I had applied nearly three months earlier via Monster. I quickly scheduled an interview for two days later. Right after I hung up, another place called, that I had applied to a week before, to set up an interview. This place was offering a part-time secretarial job.

I went to both interviews, thinking it was far more likely I'd get the secretarial job, if I even had a shot at either. But a few days went by with no contact from either. I know that's common, but I was getting depressed.

Then I got an email. I got the job as a web technician.

Full-time. Far more per hour than my student job. Benefits, vacation, everything. You may laugh at how excited I am to get those, but not only is this the first job I have had that actually includes those, I have not had insurance for over five years.

Best part? I found out I actually know some people working in the same building (I'm going to be working for a subcontractor), and they say that this place is not only great, but my to-be-coworkers are as well.

I start on Monday.

Murphy: 5,873 Me: 0

Events of the day:

Wake up.

Eat mushy, tasteless oatmeal without enough brown sugar.

Clean garage.

Move wood outside.

Stain wood, which is on sawhorses just low enough so that your back hurts after 5 minutes and doesn't stop.

Quickly move wood inside as it starts pouring rain.

Determine the rain messed up the entire batch of stained wood, and will have to sand it down and start over.

Total wasted time: 5 hours.

I die now.

Tee-ah Tim-eh

CAFFEINE, THOU ART A THING OF BEAUTY.

Especially when you are in my very own top-secret completely awesome Vanilla Chai Tea. Made the recipe m'self.

But yes, the recipe is top-secret. Only I make it right.

What's that? No, I couldn't possibly give it to you. Well, if you insist...

1/8 tsp Ginger
1/8 tsp Allspice
1/8 tsp Nutmeg
1/8 tsp cardamom
1/16 tsp cloves
1/2 tsp cinnamon
2 tea bags (or 1 tbsp loose tea)
1/2 cup hot water
3 cups whole milk
1/4 teaspoon vanilla
Honey or sugar to taste
Whipped Cream
Cinnamon

1. Mix spices together with loose tea (If using tea bags, rip 'em open and pour them into the spices).
2. Boil water. Mix spices into water, letting set at least 3 minutes.
3. Heat milk while the tea is steeping.
4. Using a very fine mesh strainer, pour the tea into the hot milk
5. Add honey or sugar (I usually use 1 tbsp per cup - yes, it's VERY sweet) and vanilla.
6. Pour into cups. Add whipped cream, sprinkle cinnamon over
7. Serve immediately, preferably next to a warm fireplace, curled up with a favorite book and listening to relaxing music.
   

(The real reason I'm posting this? Because I often lose my recipes, and if I put it in my blog it will be here FOREVAR)

Also, I like to mix up the Chai mix ahead of time.

2 tsp Ginger
2 tsp Allspice
2 tsp Nutmeg
2 tsp Cardamom
1 tsp Cloves
8 tsp Cinnamon
16 teabags

1. Mix it all together, making sure there are no clumps (Ginger is especially stubborn with this)
2. Using 1/2 tbsp mix for every 2 cups of liquid (I usually use 1/3 cup water and the rest milk), follow steps 2-7 above. Voila!
   

It is now 6:27 PM. CLEARLY, I have missed tea time, putting this together for the peasants to peruse. 'Scuse me.

Trick Question:

Worst interview question ever:

"Why should we hire you?"

What do they expect? You HAVE to give a cookie cutter answer. "I think that my skills would be a valuable asset to $company, and in return, I think I will be able to learn a great deal working for $company."

Why can't we answer truthfully? Because it won't help. And the interviewer knows this. I don't know why they ask the question. Maybe so they can see how often this person has interviewed. Or if they are able to think of a witty but effective reply. Or how skilled they are at the art of buzzwords. "I could help your company dynamically grow through synergetic solutions, leveraging your assets. I have been a key information touchpoint and... I'm sorry, are you awake?"

So I was thinking of some answers that quite possibly run through a interviewee's head before he/she actually answers:

"I need money."
"My resume is short and I need more experience to get my dream job."
"I hate my old job. I need a change."
"Because no one else will."
"Uhm. Duh. I'm, like, totally the best."
"42."
"Umm... Hmm... That's a good question. I dunno. Maybe you shouldn't."