One and the Same

Star Wars and Pirates of the Caribbean – one and the same?

Ah, two of my favorite trilogies: The original Star Wars, and Pirates of the Caribbean. No two series could be more different. Could they?

Seriously, a two-guy-one-girl team? Pirates? Supernaturally-powered bad guys? This has rip-off written all over it. Let's look at the facts, side by side.

First, the characters:

• Leia – Spirited princess that doesn't like to wait around for men to take action. Kidnapped by Darth Vader and sentenced to death. Loves both Luke and Han until she realizes that (a) She loves Han more, and (b) Luke is her brother. Becomes Chancellor of universe.
• Elizabeth - Spirited daughter of a governor that doesn't like to wait around for men to take action. Kidnapped by Barbossa and pricked by knife. Loves Will but has a crush on Jack. Will is not her brother. Pirate King.
• Luke – Naïve farmboy. Orphan. Waves cool sword around. Loves Leia. Kissed sister. Becomes a Jedi, peacekeeper of the universe.
• Will - Naïve blacksmith. Orphan. Waves cool sword around. Loves Elizabeth. Becomes pirate, rogue, and general lawbreaker. Oh yeah, and gets his heart ripped out.
• Han – Roguish yet charming pirate. Scruffy looking. The real hero that does all the work. Switches sides. Gets frozen in Carbonite. Flirts with Leia until she kisses him.
• Jack – Roguish yet charming pirate. Scruffy looking. The real hero that does all the work. Switches sides. Gets eaten by Kraken. Flirts with Elizabeth until she kisses him.
• Darth Vader – Wears funny hat. Cursed by Dark Side. Threatens Leia, Luke, and Han with death. Lost his only love. Heartless. Works with Luke in the end to overthrow Emperor. Dies but comes back in a funny, blue, glowing form.
• Barbossa – Wears funny hat. Cursed by Aztec gold. Threatens Elizabeth, Will, and Jack with death. Works with Jack and Will in the end to overthrow Beckett. Dies but comes back.
  AND Davy Jones - Wears funny hat. Cursed by Calypso to be all tentacle-y. Lost his only love. Heartless. Threatens Elizabeth, Will, and Jack with death. Dies but... um, just dies.
• Lando Calrissian – Fashionable. Traitor. Rescues Leia and Luke, and later rescues Han. Constantly switches sides until he realizes who the good guys are. Should have died trying to kill bad guys, when the Death Star blew up (according to rumors).
• James Norrington – Fashionable. Traitor. Rescues Leia and Luke, and later rescues Han. Constantly switches sides until he realizes who the good guys are. Died trying to kill bad guy.
• R2-D2 – One eye. Comedy relief. Saves the day with l33t haxx0r skillz.
• Ragetti – One eye. Comedy relief. Saves the day by whispering into pagan goddess' ear.
• C-3PO – Shiny bald head. Comedy relief
• Pintel – Shiny bald head. Comedy relief.
• The Emperor – Bad Guy. Cryptic speech. Dies by blowing up. Betrayed by Vader.
• Cutler Beckett – Bad Guy. Cryptic speech. Dies by blowing up. Betrayed by Davy Jones. (OK, not actually betrayed. You get the idea.)
• Obi-Wan Kenobi – Wise, old, magical sage. Dies and turns into weird, glowy, blue thing
• Tia Dalma/Calypso – Wise, old, magical sage. Weird hair.
  
• Chewbacca – Loyal sidekick to Han. Speaks in a language no one else understands.
• Gibbs – Loyal sidekick to Jack. Speaks in a language no one else understands.
• Sarlaac – Big toothy thing. Eats people. Bad guy's pet.
• Kraken – Big toothy thing. Eats people. Bad guy's pet.
• Stormtroopers – Only there for pratfalls and to make you think that the enemy is scary.
• English Soldiers – Only there for pratfalls and to make you think that the enemy is scary.
• Ewoks – Eat people. Try to roast Han.
• Cannibals – Eat people. Try to roast Jack.
• Cloud City – So named because it's in the clouds. Duh!
• Shipwreck Island, Cove, and Town – So named because it causes shipwrecks. Duh!

Not convinced? Well then, here's some quotes that should set your head reeling. (Blue: Star Wars Red: Pirates)

• I'm out of it for a little while, and everyone gets delusions of grandeur!
• I leave you people alone for just a minute look what happens, everything's gone to pot!
• I have a bad feeling about this...
• Bugger.
• Han: You love him, don't you?
  Leia: Yes.
  Han: All right. I understand. Fine. When he comes back, I won't get in the way.
  Leia: It's not like that at all. He's my brother.
• Will: You left Jack to the Kraken.
  Elizabeth: He's rescued now, it's done with. Will, I had no choice.
  Will: You chose not to tell me.
  Elizabeth: I couldn't. It wasn't your burden to bear.
  Will: But I did bear it, didn't I? I just didn't know what it was. I thought...
  Elizabeth: You thought I loved him.
• [I got nothing. I just love that quote ->]
• A woman scorned, like which fury Hell hath no?

There ya have it. Conclusive proof that all Star Wars fans must love Pirates of the Caribbean, for it is simply Star Wars set in a galaxy not so far away, and not quite so long ago.