My comments in bold.
WASHINGTON — The White House is bugged!
No, not like that. But actual flies are swarming the place, confounding housekeepers, irritating aides, even trying to feast on the president. During an East Room interview with John Harwood for CNBC and The New York Times on Tuesday, a giant fly orbited Mr. Obama’s head. (OH NOES! He's under ATTACK!)
“I got the sucker,” the president boasted after fatally slapping the critter on the back of his hand. (MAH HERO!)
That scene became an instant YouTube sensation — and resulted in a complaint from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. (Okay, enough with the sarcasm for a moment. I mean, seriously. PETA has an issue with swatting a fly. A. Fly. It's not like these things are endangered, are cute, provide valuable resources that its other 50 trillion still-living relatives can't, or could be someone's pet.)
“Well, I guess it can’t be said that President Obama wouldn’t hurt a fly,” (There's a dark, twisted side to the Hero! Alas!) lamented Alisa Mullins of PETA on the organization’s blog. The animal rights group announced that it would send over one of its Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher (SRSLY?) contraptions to the White House in the event of “future insect incidents.” (And that ends the report on bombings in Israel, and Iran's nuclear threat. BREAKING NEWS JUST IN! There's ANOTHER fly at the White House!)
White House staff members report that they and their boss have been routinely bothered by the bugs (Well, whadda ya know, flies are not respectors of position), and have seen the First Exterminator personally enforcing a no-fly zone in the West Wing. (Oh, hardy har har. I get it. Funny.)
“He chases them down in the Oval with his briefing papers to smack them,” (Picture, for a moment, this scene. Okay, continue with what you were doing and try not to snicker.) reports Austan Goolsbee, a member of the president’s Council of Economic Advisers.
(Question: How’d you like to be a fly on the wall in the Oval Office these days? Answer: Not so much.) (Ha. Ha. Ha ha ha.)
White House officials say that strenuous debugging measures have been undertaken in recent weeks: Anti-insect lights have been installed in the National Security Council suite and the lower press office. Staff members have been issued fly swatters, and one, Brian Mosteller, stood at the ready during Mr. Obama’s television interviews on Tuesday (a lot of good he did). Some staff members have requested chemical intervention but have been denied. (YOU MIGHT HURT THEM LITTLE BUGGERS!)
It’s not clear why there has been so much buzz in the Obama White House. The chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, who swatted at a fly in a recent interview, (Apparently we need up-to-the-minute information on his minions' bug problems too.) has blamed the opening of vents in the West Wing for the infestation, while Mr. Obama’s senior adviser, David Axelrod, has blamed careless staff members who forgot to close unscreened windows, an official said. (The details are fuzzy, and mudslinging abounds. Blame is being passed back and forth. A SWAT team [no pun intended, I promise] is closing in on a suspect as we speak.)
There are numerous accounts of infestations in previous administrations, including a cameo by a fly during an Associated Press interview with Vice President Dick Cheney just a few days before Mr. Obama was sworn into office. (CHENEY! HE DID IT! Why, that slimy, no good Republican!)
“We always had a lot of fly swatters at the ready, too,” said Dana Perino, a spokesman for former President George W. Bush. “We probably inherited the problems from the last administration.” (Oh, wait. It's Bush AND Cheny! And Karl Rove! And Enron! And HALLIBURTON! HALIBURTON!)
No, not like that. But actual flies are swarming the place, confounding housekeepers, irritating aides, even trying to feast on the president. During an East Room interview with John Harwood for CNBC and The New York Times on Tuesday, a giant fly orbited Mr. Obama’s head. (OH NOES! He's under ATTACK!)
“I got the sucker,” the president boasted after fatally slapping the critter on the back of his hand. (MAH HERO!)
That scene became an instant YouTube sensation — and resulted in a complaint from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. (Okay, enough with the sarcasm for a moment. I mean, seriously. PETA has an issue with swatting a fly. A. Fly. It's not like these things are endangered, are cute, provide valuable resources that its other 50 trillion still-living relatives can't, or could be someone's pet.)
“Well, I guess it can’t be said that President Obama wouldn’t hurt a fly,” (There's a dark, twisted side to the Hero! Alas!) lamented Alisa Mullins of PETA on the organization’s blog. The animal rights group announced that it would send over one of its Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher (SRSLY?) contraptions to the White House in the event of “future insect incidents.” (And that ends the report on bombings in Israel, and Iran's nuclear threat. BREAKING NEWS JUST IN! There's ANOTHER fly at the White House!)
White House staff members report that they and their boss have been routinely bothered by the bugs (Well, whadda ya know, flies are not respectors of position), and have seen the First Exterminator personally enforcing a no-fly zone in the West Wing. (Oh, hardy har har. I get it. Funny.)
“He chases them down in the Oval with his briefing papers to smack them,” (Picture, for a moment, this scene. Okay, continue with what you were doing and try not to snicker.) reports Austan Goolsbee, a member of the president’s Council of Economic Advisers.
(Question: How’d you like to be a fly on the wall in the Oval Office these days? Answer: Not so much.) (Ha. Ha. Ha ha ha.)
White House officials say that strenuous debugging measures have been undertaken in recent weeks: Anti-insect lights have been installed in the National Security Council suite and the lower press office. Staff members have been issued fly swatters, and one, Brian Mosteller, stood at the ready during Mr. Obama’s television interviews on Tuesday (a lot of good he did). Some staff members have requested chemical intervention but have been denied. (YOU MIGHT HURT THEM LITTLE BUGGERS!)
It’s not clear why there has been so much buzz in the Obama White House. The chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, who swatted at a fly in a recent interview, (Apparently we need up-to-the-minute information on his minions' bug problems too.) has blamed the opening of vents in the West Wing for the infestation, while Mr. Obama’s senior adviser, David Axelrod, has blamed careless staff members who forgot to close unscreened windows, an official said. (The details are fuzzy, and mudslinging abounds. Blame is being passed back and forth. A SWAT team [no pun intended, I promise] is closing in on a suspect as we speak.)
There are numerous accounts of infestations in previous administrations, including a cameo by a fly during an Associated Press interview with Vice President Dick Cheney just a few days before Mr. Obama was sworn into office. (CHENEY! HE DID IT! Why, that slimy, no good Republican!)
“We always had a lot of fly swatters at the ready, too,” said Dana Perino, a spokesman for former President George W. Bush. “We probably inherited the problems from the last administration.” (Oh, wait. It's Bush AND Cheny! And Karl Rove! And Enron! And HALLIBURTON! HALIBURTON!)
Just...... wow. It's not like it's even a slow news day.
5 comments:
Ugh, I know! It's stupider than the whole Michelle Obama wearing a sleeveless dress debacle that NOBODY cared about.
I think the newspaper people feel they don't have anything more interesting to report on... *dies laughing*
Wow... just... wow. HAHA! As if flys are not a normal part of life? Do we not seem to be able to understand that the people in the white house are people too? * giggles*
WHAT? YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THEY'RE PEOPLE LIKE THE REST OF US?
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