Old Blog Archives: The Emperor's Dating Profile

This blog entry was originally posted on my now defunct Star Wars.com blog. I am now archiving it for posterity in my new, improved, and free blog.

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Hello. My name is Emperor Palpatine. Yes, that's my first name. Anyways, this is a picture of me. Really. It is from about two years ago. Really. I'm not using the Power of Persuasion. You don't want to sell me death sticks. You want to go home and rethink your life.

I live on Coruscant in the Imperial Palace. I am very rich, and have many servants to wait on me hand and foot. If you become my concubine, I will give you some too.

I am a genious, and very handsome. I am also smart and attractive. I am the ruler of the known universe, as well as some unknown parts - don't ask about that.

I am usually very busy with my work, so I need someone that doesn't mind being alone often. Dark Side adeptness is a plus.

I enjoy long walks in the dark, shocking people, and I enjoy a good laugh.

Jedi need not apply. Serious inquiries only. Contact me at ThePerfectMan@ImperialDates.emp

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Dear Mr. Palpatine,

I don't want to sell you death sticks. I want to go home and rethink my life.

I live on Coruscant most of the time, but I will not disclose my present location, because of the bounty hunters looking for me.

I saw your profile on ImperialDates.emp and I am extremely interested. I am about nineteen. I have some Dark Side powers, and I am a trained assasin. I shock many people, and I also enjoy long walks in the dark. I never laugh, however.

I am available until the end of the week. Contact me at FutureMrsSkywalker@ImperialDates.emp

Thank you,
Mara Jade