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I have decided to make it public. I will hold this press release, then I will answer questions.
Yes, it is true. I found it. No one believed me. They said it didn't exist. But I showed them all!
Yes! We have found.... Where in Kessel did my drum roll go? Oh, forgot to turn it on. (Drumroll) We have found...
The Diary Of A Mad Black Jedi!
That's right. Mace Windu, The "Perfect Jedi" tells all in his revealing journal. I have tortured you long enough. Here is the first entry. I might post more if you are good, or at least clean up your mess afterwards.
But first, a word from our sponsors. Just kidding. Ha ha ha!
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First Day, Eight Month [note: year is 32 BBY]
Dear Diary,
I don't really have anything interesting to say. I mean, I know I'm the best Jedi and all, but what with the Chosen One showing up, the Sith coming back and Qui-Gon getting skewered, I haven't had time to do anything fascinating.
I have come to a personal philosophy. The Jedi aren't supposed to have attachments, right? So that means no relationships, right? So, it says nothin' against one-night stands. Right? No attachments, no regrets. And there's plenty of me to go around... lotsa hot Jedi. I know I ain't the only one.
But, like I said, I have no time, what with the Sith and all. And that guy... was he the Master or Apprentice, anyway? I hope he was the master, 'cause I'd sure hate to fight the one that trained him. I'd probably get my hand cut off or somethin'.
Hey, I just realized, i ain't told you who I am. I am Mace Windu, Jedi Master. I am... well, it don't matter how old I am. I feel like I'm 26. I don't like to brag... Kessel, who'm I foolin'? I love to brag. I am the head Jedi Council Member. This makes you real popular with the chicks. Oh, if you're a chick, and roughly humanoid, then gimme a call: 2187.327.1.6.1.38. No collect calls, now.
I've got to finish this entry. The council is meeting to decide what to do with this kid. What's his name again? Ankh... Ama... Anakin! Syhawk... Skyhawk... Skyvulture... Skywalker! Anakin Skywalker. Yeah. Maybe we'll get Obi-Wan to train little Ankykin after all. That Anskin is pretty talented after all. (Sorry for using Hannakin's name so much. I find that if you repeat a name often, you remember it better.)
The meeting starts at 1800, and it's 1749. I'd better get movin. I gotta shave my head before I go.
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(Disclaimer: No Jedi were harmed in the making of this entry. If Mace is your favorite character, I apologize. If Jar Jar is your favorite character, the number of your local Psych Ward is 555-1138. No offence meant to African Americans, Blacks, or other racial groups. Offence meant to Jar Jar. This blog contains no artificial flavoring or preservatives.)
Yes, it is true. I found it. No one believed me. They said it didn't exist. But I showed them all!
Yes! We have found.... Where in Kessel did my drum roll go? Oh, forgot to turn it on. (Drumroll) We have found...
The Diary Of A Mad Black Jedi!
That's right. Mace Windu, The "Perfect Jedi" tells all in his revealing journal. I have tortured you long enough. Here is the first entry. I might post more if you are good, or at least clean up your mess afterwards.
But first, a word from our sponsors. Just kidding. Ha ha ha!
----------------------
First Day, Eight Month [note: year is 32 BBY]
Dear Diary,
I don't really have anything interesting to say. I mean, I know I'm the best Jedi and all, but what with the Chosen One showing up, the Sith coming back and Qui-Gon getting skewered, I haven't had time to do anything fascinating.
I have come to a personal philosophy. The Jedi aren't supposed to have attachments, right? So that means no relationships, right? So, it says nothin' against one-night stands. Right? No attachments, no regrets. And there's plenty of me to go around... lotsa hot Jedi. I know I ain't the only one.
But, like I said, I have no time, what with the Sith and all. And that guy... was he the Master or Apprentice, anyway? I hope he was the master, 'cause I'd sure hate to fight the one that trained him. I'd probably get my hand cut off or somethin'.
Hey, I just realized, i ain't told you who I am. I am Mace Windu, Jedi Master. I am... well, it don't matter how old I am. I feel like I'm 26. I don't like to brag... Kessel, who'm I foolin'? I love to brag. I am the head Jedi Council Member. This makes you real popular with the chicks. Oh, if you're a chick, and roughly humanoid, then gimme a call: 2187.327.1.6.1.38. No collect calls, now.
I've got to finish this entry. The council is meeting to decide what to do with this kid. What's his name again? Ankh... Ama... Anakin! Syhawk... Skyhawk... Skyvulture... Skywalker! Anakin Skywalker. Yeah. Maybe we'll get Obi-Wan to train little Ankykin after all. That Anskin is pretty talented after all. (Sorry for using Hannakin's name so much. I find that if you repeat a name often, you remember it better.)
The meeting starts at 1800, and it's 1749. I'd better get movin. I gotta shave my head before I go.
----------------------
(Disclaimer: No Jedi were harmed in the making of this entry. If Mace is your favorite character, I apologize. If Jar Jar is your favorite character, the number of your local Psych Ward is 555-1138. No offence meant to African Americans, Blacks, or other racial groups. Offence meant to Jar Jar. This blog contains no artificial flavoring or preservatives.)
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